The framework
Six ways people feel cared for.
Most friction about care is a mismatch rather than a shortage. Someone can put real effort into showing they care in the way that would land for them, and have almost none of it reach the person opposite.
What it measures
The dimensions underneath.
People do not all register care the same way, and most friction about it is a mismatch rather than a shortage. Someone can be putting real effort into showing they care in the way that would land for them, and have almost none of it reach the person opposite. This assessment ranks six ways of registering care by making you choose between them, which is the only way to get a ranking when every option is something you would say yes to.
Words
Being told, explicitly, what someone values about you.
Time
Undivided attention, with nothing else competing for it.
Action
Someone doing the thing rather than offering to.
Closeness
Presence, physical or emotional, especially when it is hard.
Tokens
Something chosen, kept or marked, that proves you were thought about.
Backing
Being defended or advocated for when you are not in the room.
Method
What it cannot tell you.
- This is a preference typology, not a validated psychometric instrument. It has no published reliability or validity evidence behind it, and it should not be read as though it does.
- Your ranking shifts with context and with the relationship. What you need from a partner, a parent and a manager are often different, and this gives an average.
- A forced choice between two good things exaggerates the gap between them. Your top and bottom are meaningful; adjacent middle rankings are close to noise.
- Knowing someone’s ranking does not tell you what they need right now. It is a starting point for asking, not a substitute for it.
Which one are you?
5 minutes, free, and you get both scores rather than just a label.